dreaming

I remember just a couple of months ago I shared with a friend how it was scary for me to dream. Mainly because when I looked back at the dreams I had in the past, at that time, I viewed them as ending in disappointment instead of actually getting what I dreamed for. Looking at it now, those dreams I had weren’t bad dreams but they were very superficial and self focused. Since then the Lord has allowed me to see the bigger picture and bigger story that He’s writing all over my life and I’m so glad that those past dreams and desires didn’t happen- because honestly if they did, I most likely wouldn’t be where I’m at now – in Vlore, Albania writing this! 

With the end of the race coming soon, I’ve been dreaming a lot about what life looks like after this year. I use to think dreaming was too scary- but now I know that dreaming with the Lord is the best person to dream with because He’s the one who gives me those dreams and can be trusted to make the ultimate good happen! 

I think it’s easy for me to get wrapped up in “God’s will for my life” and what He wants me to do after the race. But I’m learning that He’s giving me options and it’s not a one set thing. I think of Jesus’ words on what the greatest commandment is: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all of your mind.” And the second “love your neighbor as yourself) (Matthew 23:37-39). I think if that is the heart of my dreams then the Lord will honor it. But I’m also learning that it’s not always going to look the way I think it should. I think of Isaiah 55:8 that says “for my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are my ways your ways.” The Lord is putting so many dreams and desires in my heart for what life after the race looks like and giving me the freedom to choose what to pursue. 

My prayer recently has been “Lord make me useful.” And that’s His heart too- to let us be a part of the process in bringing Heaven to Earth. Not because he needs us to- God is more than capable at doing all of this on his own- but man what a privilege it is to be a part of the process!! Later in Isaiah 55 it says “it will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire; and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.” This specific verse is talking about God’s word, but it made me start thinking and praying that I also would not return empty. That I will accomplish what He desires and achieve the purpose that he sent me out for.”

So instead of being scared to dream, I’ve let myself dream all the dreams! I want to dream. I want to dream the dreams the Lord has for me. During my quiet time one morning (and while writing all of this in my journal) the Lord brought me to a couple of different verses that I’ve read before but this time it just hit differently. 

I want to trust in the Lord and do good. I want to delight myself in the Lord and let him give me the desires of my heart (psalm 37:3-4) —> as in maybe he won’t give me my exact desire but instead he will change my desires so that I desire what he wants. 

Commit to the Lord whatever you do and your plans will succeed. Proverbs 16:3

In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. Proverbs 16:9

Not that it will always be easy but the Lord promises to uphold me—> If the Lord delights in a man’s way, he makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand. Psalm 37:23-24

God cares about our dreams because God cares about us, his people!! And he delights to give good gifts to his children! And sometimes he throws in those -to us- “small dreams” just ‘cause he can! When I was in the coffee shop journaling all of this, it hit me that back in June I had a “small and silly” prayer that one day I would live at the beach and do ministry there. Also, 3 weeks ago, my teammate and I were talking about how we would love to live in an apartment, in a city where we can walk everywhere to. And guess what! I actually live on the 6th floor of an apartment complex this month, can walk everywhere because it’s in the city AND I am only a 15 minute walk from the beach. UGH GOD (the good ugh) :’)

So maybe you find yourself like me a couple of months ago, afraid to dream because of past disappointment. Maybe you’re a dreamer by nature. Whatever it is, whoever you are and wherever you are on the line…I want to encourage you to give your dreams to the Lord. Ask him to open the doors that need to be opened and to shut the doors that need to be. He’ll do it. He’s faithful to be trusted and no dream is too big or too small to take to him.

….how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! Matthew 7:11

much love!

mk