good and faithful

It’s been a little over 2 weeks since the race ended and I’ve been home- and oh how I miss it!! I miss being with people all of the time. I miss the community and the friendships. I miss the ministries that we partnered with. I miss the simplicity that came with being on the race and living out of a backpack. I miss the conversations that would start out in joking around and end in deep, raw and vulnerable discussions. I miss the worship nights and the Bible studies. But even in the moments that I miss all of this so much, I find myself in deep deep gratitude to the Lord for allowing me to have something as sweet of this to miss!! And what a blessing that is. 

During our last week of the race, we all gathered one last time as a squad to celebrate the Lord and all He has done in and through us this year. Our first session was filled with worship and testimonies of what the Lord did this past year. Hearing everyone- my friends, who I’ve spent 11 months with- go around and share their experience of the ways they have seen God move and work and bring new freedom and life was such a gift!!! I knew I wanted to share too – to speak out loud one of the biggest overarching themes He continued to show me over and over this past year. And I figured I would share it here too, so enjoy!! 

I feel like the last 11 months has really been centered around the Lord showing me and teaching me about His goodness and His faithfulness all throughout my life. During our first debrief in San Jose, Costa Rica, we did this exercise where we wrote on postcards a lie that we have struggled with or believed and then on another postcard we wrote down the truth and what the Lord says about it. People started standing up and sharing things that they have struggled with and how they have found freedom in these things and know the truth over them. Well I felt like I did the exercise wrong… I wrote down something that I was struggling with in the moment and even though I knew the truth, I didn’t necessarily believe or feel like it was true for me (so I didn’t stand up and share). I wrote down that it was hard for me to fully trust God because it was hard for me to believe that He is good in my life. I knew in my head that He is good because growing up in the church “God is good all the time” is a common phrase and even a song. So in my head I knew He was good but in my heart I didn’t believe it for myself. I couldn’t wrap my heart around the fact that a good God could let hard things, disappointments and setbacks happen- and happen to me. I could look around and see how He was good for others but couldn’t see it for myself.

I struggled with this realization for our first month in Guatemala (our third month of the race). I wrestled with God and with myself trying to figure out what even “good” was. Even though it was a hard realization to wrestle with, I can look back now and see how it was the sweetest struggle- because it was with the Lord! He is so faithful and so kind to not just leave us with our questions, doubts and hard emotions, but instead He enters right in it with us! (Man the Gospel!!!!) And He answers. One night I could just feel Him impressing on my heart and mind this sweet truth: “if God is altogether good, if He created good by calling things good and He sets the standard for what good is- then if those hard seasons and disappointments, even though it wasn’t His heart to “make” them happen (but we live in a fallen world)- but if they caused me to turn and look at God and move closer to Him- the one who again is altogether good, then goodness can and did come from it. Because it was in those hard times and seasons that moved me closer to Him and caused me to look to Him.” 

It was the sweetest revelation and the perfect timing for it to be at the beginning of the race. Even though there were hard moments throughout the rest of the race- and even in my life- all I can see now is His goodness and faithfulness in my life!! There were still moments when I would struggle with hard emotions and hard seasons (of course- that’s life), but I remember in Romania the Lord speaking another truth over me. That the times where I struggle and the times where it’s hard can actually be a really sweet reminder that I’m not in control and I don’t hold the world in my hands – He does that. And it’s in the struggle that I’m reminded my need for a Savior (oooh the Gospel again!!!) and my need for total dependence on Him!! And He’s faithful and good and can be trusted because that’s who He is!! That’s His character and  He doesn’t change (James 2:17). 

The last two weeks of the race and before our final debrief the enemy tried telling me that God’s goodness and faithfulness is only in this year and in this experience. That when I go home it’s going to end. But no! The Lord is so kind and spoke to me over and over again truths that He has spoken all throughout this year. The truth that I will go home and I will know that He is good. That even though this year and this experience is ending, He never does! That it isn’t this experience that is good and faithful but it’s Him- it’s always been Him and always will be Him. Yes, He’s used the race to show me this but it wasn’t the race itself- it was the One who has and will always be good and faithful. Freedom and healing doesn’t end because the year ends, but we can continue to walk in freedom because “now the Lord is the Spirit and where the spirit of the Lord is there is freedom” 2 Corinthians 3:17. And the Lord goes with us and so does freedom. 

Our last ministry host, Uncle Phil, would always say “we’re on the winning side!” And oh how true! We’re on the winning side because the victory has already been won through the Victor and his name is Jesus!! The one whose name is “Faithful and True” Revelation 19:11. 

Thank you Jesus!!

“Taste and see that the Lord is good.” Psalm 34:8

“Now that you have tasted that the Lord is good” 1 Peter 2:3 

Thank you to everyone who has ever read these- it’s so kind and so humbling and I pray that somehow the Lord has spoken to you through them! 

MK