Wow a lot of vulnerability in this post but God is doing some REALLY REALLY cool things in my heart + who knows, it might resonate with you too.
A little insert from my journal:
“One thing I’m struggling with but have recognized and now working through is intimacy within community. It’s like I’m a open book when I was to be or when it’s on my terms, but if I’m not feeling it then I shut it down + shut people out. I tell myself “this isn’t who you are” but if I honestly look over the past couple of months + years then it’s exactly how I’ve been. There’s a difference between me saying “I love people” and me ACTUALLY loving them. It’s like I let people in to know my struggles and hurts and then hold them at arms length because they now know instead of letting them love me + in return loving them. I know I need to ask God for the love to give (ooooh He already gives it, just give me eyes to see) but I also know I can’t pour from an empty cup. It might be that I need to learn how to be loved to love. But isn’t that who He calls me? BELOVED. That’s who I am. Through that, I can love others”
Wow. Thanks God.
And to the one who is reading this- that’s who you are too! His beloved. Praying that you walk in that truth and freedom today.
McKayla
thank you for sharing this journey with us. I love hearing how the Lord is working in your heart and working through your heart. He has great things planned for you on this journey. Keep your eyes fixed on Him and your path will be secure.
Blessings
Praying Philippians 1:9-11 for you – that your love for others will abound more and more in knowledge and insight so that you may be able to discern what is best and be pure and blameless until the Day of Christ. May he fill you with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the praise and glory of God. Amen
Love how all that God is doing in you is also what I ask of myself! “Journeying” together! ??????
I love how God works through you and tell you what is right and what is wrong. You are one great person.
Yes, it’s good you can see your dilemma, of finding it hard to love those you have been vulnerable with. Now have you asked Father to help you see you “hold people at armed length”?
Is there a fear of getting hurt?
Every small step you make, as you grow in intimacy, brings a smile to His face! 😉